July 19

Living with Pathological Demand Avoidance: Strategies for Dealing with PDA in Adults for Autism and ADHD

Neurodivergent adults often have trouble getting diagnosed. Most were overlooked as children because they didn't exhibit the standard behaviors and symptoms used for diagnosis. Many have not understood why they have so much difficulty living in society and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

A very colorful brain with lots of connections glowing to show the biological brain difference for pathological demand avoidance.

Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance in Adults

PDA first appeared on the psychological scene in the 1980s. Elizabeth Newson coined the term. It was first seen in her research paper published in 2003 when it was published in the British Medical Journals. It was her hope to add another classification in order to avoid using, "pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified." She argued for a new criteria, based on a study.

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) was recognized as a subtype of Autism Spectrum Disorder. It is an often misunderstood PDA profile of autism seen on the neurodivergent and autism spectrum. PDA involves extreme avoidance of everyday demands, a need to control situations, and a requirement for autonomy. 

The term ‘pathological demand avoidance’ is rooted in the medical model and doesn't take into account the impact the terminology can have as a diagnostic label. A less pathologizing term is Extreme Demand Avoidance (EDA).

There has been a movement to create mental health diagnoses, often used as labels, that are less derogatory and pathologizing. It would be nice if the trend was picked up in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) and diagnoses more accepting and inclusive in general. Another alternative term, Pervasive Drive for Autonomy, was introduced by Tomlin Wilding. PDA is also known as pathological demand avoidance syndrome.

Many still see PDA as a developmental disorder that goes along with a diagnosis of autism. However, since neurodiversity is now known to be a biological difference in brain structure, it is starting to be seen by some as a neurological condition. Hopefully, this change in understanding will lead to a change in the name and lead to a change in how behaviors based on brain structure are treated.

With pathological demand avoidance, the nervous system gets overloaded, making it impossible to cope with demands in the moment. PDA people can use coping mechanisms to create safety by working to control their environment, lessen the impact on their nervous system, and avoid a meltdown.

The PDA profile can look socially unacceptable to those who don't understand what's happening. A panic attack is more socially acceptable and better understood. Understanding PDA may be easier if it was thought of as a more complicated panic attack. The PDA components are similar if intolerance of uncertainty is wrapped up with panic and anxiety. Having a "PDA attack" is extremely uncomfortable.

The concept of PDA isn't a chosen behavior. It's a survival instinct. PDA is an extremely debilitating condition. Demand avoidance isn’t something people with PDA tend to be drawn to.

Nobody would choose it on purpose, just like nobody wants to have a panic attack. Being extremely demand-avoidant is uncomfortable. It can become so intense and uncomfortable that the explosive nature can be mistaken for oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder.

PDA in Adults

Recognizing PDA or EDA in adults is crucial. It affects the ability to manage daily life, maintain relationships, and achieve personal and professional goals.

It is most often recognized in the profile of autism but is now acknowledged by some practitioners to be present in other neurodiversities. You don't need to be autistic to experience it. There are nuances of adult PDA that differentiate it from typical demand avoidance.

PDA in Adults is extreme avoidance of daily demands, need for control, underlying anxiety and seeking safety. It's seen as an autism behavior but can coexist with ADHD and other neurodiversities. A clinician specializing in PDA helps with effective strategies for PDA - autistic and ADHD.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) does not formally recognize PDA as a separate diagnosis. Mental Health Professionals and the autism community see it as a distinct profile that requires specific understanding and approaches. It is currently recognized more widely in the UK than in the US, but neither use it as a formal diagnosis.

PDA Diagnosis

Since Pathological Demand Avoidance is missing from the DSM-5, practitioners tend to diagnose it within the broader context of neurodiversity and autism. To diagnose PDA, practitioners consider detailed patient histories, questions about childhood experiences, clinical observations. It is also common to use a diagnostic measure with standard questions to gather additional information to use to hone in on a diagnosis.  The Extreme Demand Avoidance Questionnaire (EDA-Q) is a good choice to help explore situations and experiences. 

The EDA-Q questionnaire can help with diagnosis, but it is a measure designed for research, and practitioners should use it with that in mind. The adaptation for adults is the adult self-report (EDA-QA).

Six photos of the same woman with straight brown hair pulled back wearing black rimmed glasses talking on a red phone, each showing a different emotion - happy, pondering, serious, concerned, doubtful, and angry to demonstrate the sudden changes in mood that are common in adult PDA behaviors.

Diagnostic Criteria for Adult PDA

PDA, as a distinct profile, distinguishes it from common demand avoidance. However, diagnosis, particularly in adults, remains complex. Everyone has unique ways of being.

While there are standards, flexibility is needed to recognize things that fit the standard profile. There is no requirement to be diagnosed with autism before an assessment to look for features of PDA. Practitioners diagnose PDA using a cluster of commonly seen behaviors and traits of PDA that include:

  • Avoid routine everyday demands. They can actively defy expectations and resist acting on their responsibilities.
  • Use of social strategies to avoid demands
  • They have difficulty completing tasks that are not aligned with their interests. They have a strong negative reaction and a marked demand avoidance that interfere with their plans.
  • Impulsivity. Making spontaneous decisions and impulsive actions can clash with social norms and catch others off guard during social interactions.
  • Sudden changes in mood, extreme variability in emotional reactions, and avoidance behaviors can strongly impact relationships.
  • Comfortable in role play and pretend scenarios
  • They need to be in control. Environment, routines, making rules and boundaries, social constructs, and environments are often involved.
  • Making excuses to avoid tasks and other demands.
  • Obsessive behavior focuses on people rather than things. They may focus intensely on particular aspects of their day.
  • Seek dopamine. Show a preference for different and interesting tasks, activities, and conversations. The need for novelty can lead them to create chaos to avoid boring, routine tasks.
  • They can take a combative, argumentative, aggressive, or defensive position against authority figures to stand up for their freedom and autonomy.

These PDA behaviors are not merely oppositional and avoidant but are deeply rooted in anxiety and the need to maintain a sense of autonomy and control. At the core of PDA, there is a strong anxiety-driven need for autonomy. The diagnosis of PDA takes these complexities into account.

Adult PDA Behaviors 

PDA behavior may look like manipulation, but the intention is to create safety and stability. It is difficult to function when the central nervous system is not regulated. When you are not yourself, safety becomes a priority.

Keep in mind that PDA characteristics are not the same from person to person and are not set in stone. They can vary quite a bit. Two people with the same diagnosis can differ significantly in their behaviors. They may only have a few symptoms that overlap. It is crucial to recognize the diversity and individuality within individuals with PDA. Each person may exhibit unique behaviors and experiences, even if they share the same diagnosis.

PDA characteristics can be adjusted to fit your lifestyle. A big part of making changes is learning about yourself and what helps you calm your nervous system and what amps it up. A PDA therapist can help you see things you may not have noticed before and figure out how to regulate your nervous system.

You can come up with some customized pathological demand avoidance strategies that work for you when you are overwhelmed. The more natural your strategies are to begin with, the easier it will be to adjust to using them.

It may take some time to adjust to new strategies and notice when you need to use them. Ask for help if you need support. After you practice, the will become more natural and easier to access when you are anxious or overwhelmed.

Pathological Demand Avoidance Support

Understanding variability can lead to more personalized support, strategies, and interventions catering to each person's needs. This approach can help create a more supportive environment that respects autonomy and provides support, guidance, and structure when needed.

Families and friends can navigate interactions with respect and understanding by acknowledging and embracing these differences. Coming from a place of acceptance and unconditional love promotes understanding, compassion, and effective communication. Recognizing triggers can help them avoid creating a triggering experience.

A PDA Therapist can help support you through the process of finding things that help you stay comfortable. You can work on building relationships, finding strategies for work, develop new ways to parent your children, improve your productivity at home and at work, address challenges in PDA communication, and find things that improve your quality of life.

Distinguishing PDA from Typical Demand Avoidance: PDA Profile Characteristics

Reacting to demanding situations and becoming avoidant is deeper in the PDA profile. Standard avoidance may seem to fit the PDA profile, but it is not as intense or as pervasive. That is why the term pathological is used. The word "pathological" communicates its presence across all parts of life. There are less pathologizing words that could be used to stress that PDA is not a decision, but a strong, deeply seeded biological message of not being able to do something. It can feel paralyzing.

Avoiding demands is a common behavioral response in humans. People may procrastinate or show reluctance toward certain activities, usually as a reaction to stress, discomfort, or fatigue, but not to an extreme degree. While typical avoidance can look like PDA at times, many components are missing.

Pathological Demand Avoidance is seen as a pervasive disorder. It is all encompassing and presents with severe reactions and often sudden.

The avoidant behavior is driven by an intense anxiety and a need for control. Giving directions or pushing for cooperation can worsen the response exponentially. Being stuck in avoidance can create situations that make someone completely unmovable from their persistent stance. There is no other available choice. The reaction can have a strong underlying need for safety.  It can help to have some pathological demand avoidance strategies to make things go more smoothly.

Unlike typical avoidance or procrastination, the PDA version is consistent and shows up in multiple areas of life. It may present differently in different settings depending on the situation and other variables.

PDA can have a substantial impact on relationships and can have a severe influence when instability is frequent. The deeply anchored anxiety is pervasive and reaches into every corner of daily life with a high level of intensity. The intensity is far and above that of standard avoidance. Strategies for dealing with PDA can improve quality of life. They can also make a difference in relationships. 

A huge explosion over water with fire burning above the smoke to show the severe reactions in PDA profile characteristics driven by intense anxiety.

Living with Adult Pathological Demand Avoidance:

Adults with PDA often face significant challenges in both their personal and professional lives. The key to managing PDA is understanding and addressing the underlying anxiety and need for control that drives demand avoidant behaviors. 

Living with PDA can cause difficulties in establishing and maintaining relationships due to the avoidance of demands and the need for control. Feelings of isolation and frustration are common when struggling with PDA.

In professional settings, managing PDA may require accommodations such as flexibility in work tasks, clear communication strategies, breaks with quiet time alone, and opportunities for autonomy. Personalized accommodations that consider reactions present differently in different settings can help manage PDA characteristics.

Loved ones and professionals need to approach and communicate with understanding, patience, and empathy to support emotional well-being and a sense of self. Understanding the strategies for dealing with PDA can help with family and work dynamics.

Working with a neurodiversity-friendly therapist can address anxiety, help find ways to manage emotions differently in different situations, and develop a personalized way of being in various situations and environments. PDA presents differently in different people.

Addressing the underlying anxiety and safety issues that create a need for control helps build a fulfilling life despite challenges.

Adult Pathological Demand Avoidance Strategies 

  • Flexible Schedules: Creating a flexible routine can reduce anxiety around demands.
  • Supportive People: Surrounding yourself with understanding and accommodating people helps manage day-to-day stressors.
  • Interest-Based Activities: Engaging in activities that align with personal interests can help avoid the overwhelming feeling of external demands. Interesting activities can also help with focus, engagement, and productivity.
  • Communication Techniques: Learning practical communication skills, such as setting boundaries and assertively expressing needs, can help you navigate challenging situations. A PDA therapist can help you figure out how you want to communicate.
  • Sensory Considerations: Awareness of sensory sensitivities and incorporating sensory-friendly environments or accommodations can help reduce overstimulation and stress.
  • Regular Self-Care Practices: Prioritizing self-care activities like good nutrition, taking time to be quiet and rest, engaging in calming activities, taking a walk, and proper sleep hygiene can improve overall well-being and resilience.
Woman in her 60s with her hair pulled back, wearing a shop apron bending over a shop table working with a piece of wood using strategies for dealing with PDA by focusing her woodworking interest .

Strategies for dealing with PDA 

Here are some coping strategies and lifestyle adjustments:

  • Be ready for changes: A flexible mindset can help lower anxiety levels and make transitions go more smoothly. When you expect a change, it's easier to adjust.
  • Ask for a Weekly or Monthly Schedule: It can help to know what is planned so you can prepare for any demands that may come up.
  • Be aware of Environment: Look around you and be aware of environmental stressors such as light and sound.
  • Interests as tools: Use your personal interests to your advantage to keep you focused and to avoid overwhelm.
  • Communication Signals: Come up with some shorthand communication signals to use when you have difficulty talking.
  • Sensory Considerations: Cary some small sensory items to help you calm your nervous system.
  • Self-Care Practices: Check in on your stimulation level regularly or use a time to remind you to take scheduled breaks to avoid overstimulation. You can step away for a while for a change of scenery, switch activities for variety, or anything else you know will be helpful.
  • Ask for Help: If you feel like your becoming overwhelmed, ask for someone to support you, or go with you to a quiet area with low stimulation. Sometimes it helps to be reminded to use your strategies for dealing with PDA.
  • Professional Support: Working with a therapist specializing in PDA can help you develop valuable insights and coping mechanisms. Just spending time with someone who understands can make you feel supported and safe.
A strip of five photos with black borders shows different hand signals being used when challenges in pda communication make it impossible to speak. In the top photo, a woman is holding her hands in front of her face with her fingers spread out. The second photo shows an older man making a time-out signal by forming the capital letter "T" with one hand making the horizontal line and the other making the vertical line. In the third photo, a couple sits at a table in front of a laptop. The wife signals by creating the capital letter "X" in front of her chest with her forearms. The fourth photo is of a woman sitting on a white couch, leaning on her knees and signaling by putting her hand over her eyes. In the last photo at the bottom, a black woman with a serious look clearly holds up her hand as a signal she needs to stop and take a break.


Working with a neurodiversity-friendly therapist for support.

Using strategies and approaches like these can reduce the stress and challenges of living with PDA. They can help you navigate daily demands while improving your quality of life. You just have to find the combination of things that work for you to create your solutions.

A comfy gray chair with two rust-colored pillows and a grey throw in a quiet corner with a window and plants on the right side and dark wooden bookcase behind on the left and a houseplant with large leaves just coming into the scene on the far left to demonstrate a soothing environment for PDA and ADHD.

PDA and ADHD

PDA is still usually associated with an autism diagnosis but can coexist with other neurodiversities, such as ADHD. Both conditions share traits like impulsivity and difficulty with executive function, which can complicate the clinical picture. However, while ADHD primarily involves issues with focus, attention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, PDA is centered around an extreme avoidance of demands due to high anxiety and a need for control.

Man with salt and pepper hair and beard wearing a light gray button down shirt with the sleves rolled up laying back on a black couch with his hands behind his hands and elbows out listening to music through white headphones  demonstrating one of the coping techniques for adult PDA.

Coping Techniques for Adult PDA

The intense anxiety that comes with PDA can leave you stuck in your tracks when you're in a situation where you feel unsafe and out of control. It can seem like the world is falling apart around you while you're tied up, burning at the stake, and there's nothing you can do.

Managing PDA involves a multifaceted approach, combining self-awareness, tailored strategies, and often professional support from a PDA therapist. Pathological demand avoidance strategies can help you avoid uncomfortable situations.

Here are some coping techniques and strategies that may help you get started finding what helps you navigate these challenging situations:

  • Don't Over-Schedule:
    1. Give yourself time to rest and recuperate between tasks.
    2. Schedule more time than you think it will take you to complete a task.
    3. Limit how many different projects you work on in a day.
  • Create a safe environment: Find places or activities that make you feel safe and in control. Having a designated safe space where you can go when you feel yourself starting to get overwhelmed can help you manage anxiety and get unstuck.
  • Sensory Sensitivities: Being aware of sensory sensitivities that might become a problem. If you can, find ways to neutralize or reduce their impact on you.
  • Gameify: Turning a task into a game can help keep you interested and focused.
  • Listen to music: If you like music, consider incorporating it into your daily routine. Music helps make tedious tasks more enjoyable.
  • Use visual aids: Written lists, index cards, or schedules can provide structure and clarity in demanding situations. Visual cues can keep you on track. Outlining tasks step-by-step can help you reduce anxiety, stay focused on your task, and decrease the chances of overwhelm.
  • Self-Advocacy:
    1. Make a plan that includes how you want to communicate your needs in the challenging situations you experience most frequently.
    2. Decide what boundaries are important to you.
    3. Spend time deciding how you want to react to scenarios you expect to encounter again with someone you feel comfortable with. Learning to communicate your needs and boundaries is crucial. Role-play scenarios to practice saying no or negotiating in a safe environment
  • Seek support from someone you trust: A strong support network of understanding friends, family members, or therapists who are aware of and understand your condition can offer comfort and guidance during difficult times.
  • Deep breathing: Practicing deep breathing can help calm your body and mind during moments of high anxiety. Focus on slow, steady breaths to help regulate your nervous system. Some people experience deep breathing as anxiety-producing when they are already in an agitated or overwhelmed state. If that describes you, skip this one.
  • Practice calming self-care: Engaging in activities that help you self-soothe and relax, such as playing with a tactile toy or fidget, looking out the window at plants or birds, taking a walk, or regularly spending time in nature, can be beneficial for managing stress and anxiety levels.
  • Use a Collaborative Approach with a PDA Therapist: Find a supportive psychotherapist who is neurodiversity-affirming and understands PDA, anxiety, overwhelm, and fear. A neurodiverse counselor is more likely to provide the support you need.

Customize Your Coping Techniques

Finding what works best for you may involve some trial-and-error experimentation. Coming up with strategies that work well for you can take time and patience.  


You deserve to prioritize self-care. Try different pathological demand avoidance strategies until you find what works for you in various situations.


Seek professional guidance if you need support to effectively manage your symptoms. Find a clinician you can be yourself with.

A man with gray hair and beard embracing a woman in support of her working on her solutions for PDA in adults.

Pathological Demand Avoidance Support

Neurodiversity is still not fully understood. It will take time for the diagnostic criteria to catch up with the neurodiversity community. We need neurodiversity advocates continue to argue for changes based on neuroscience for changes to be adopted more uniformly.


Though not officially recognized as a separate diagnosis in the Statistical  Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), pathological demand avoidance is a significant aspect neurodiversity. It connects autistic people to PDA most often.

Management requires tailored approaches for comfort and support. Understanding the unique behaviors and needs associated with PDA can create safe environments that minimize stress and promote well-being.

Strategies that fit with individual needs help reduce challenges. You can find the things that support you best with some help from a mental health professional.

A PDA Therapist Can Help You Find Solutions

In therapy, you can find valuable insights into how things impact you and develop effective coping strategies. It is possible to live the life you want.

Pathological Demand Avoidance challenges can be tricky to figure out. Be patient with yourself. We can tailor solutions to help you cope with the types of challenges you usually encounter. When you have a plan ahead of time, you can implement it earlier in the process and reduce stress and anxiety before they escalate.


Your particular situation is unique, and you deserve a solution that fits it and feels comfortable to you. Solutions you tailor to your personal needs usually work better than one-size-fits-all protocols.

Working with a PDA therapist can help you navigate the complexities and unique challenges that come with extreme demand avoidance. In personalized therapy sessions, you can safely communicate your needs and develop positive ways of engaging with challenging scenarios.

You can express your feelings and concerns without judgment when you have a good therapeutic relationship in a safe and supportive environment. You can collaborate with a clinician specializing in PDA to increase hope and feel more empowered.

Supportive conversations can help you make changes that lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life.
A woman with long dark hair wearing a white tank top and tan pants sitting on a couch smiling holding her 5 year old daughter who also has long dark hair, wearing a white short sleeve t-shits and light blue shorts and is looking up wtih her chin on mom's head smiling. They are both having fun after mom has found some strategies to cope with her PDA.



Tags

ADHD, Adult PDA, Autism, demand avoidance, Neurodiversity, pathological demand avoidance pda, pda, PDA Diagnosis, pda profile characteristics, PDA strategies


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