March 23

The Zen of Compliments

Compliments have the power to change how you think of yourself and how others think of you. Having a compliment mindset can keep you looking for the good in others. This can be very helpful in marriage counseling to change the tone of communication and how you think about your partner. Complimenting can increase peace and joy in your life and the lives of others.

Attention to detail strengthens compliments.

When we give compliments that are based on heartfelt observations, they are more likely to be accepted by the person we are complimenting. When they accept the compliment, the relationship between the two of you changes for the better. A connection based on kindness and well-being is made. The zen of compliments can have a significant impact on your life.

Increasing compliments can improve relationships.

Compliments communicate so many positive things. They show you care. They show you are paying attention when you include details. Compliments show that you value the person you are complimenting. When compliments are genuine, they can increase feelings of love, acceptance and compassion in your relationship. Your compliments reinforce their value in the world, what they mean to you and at the same time strengthen your relationship. You are sharing what is special to you about them.

Accepting compliments has the potential to improve your relationship with yourself. Accepting the compliments of others is a valuable skill. This is something we often work on in individual therapy to increase self-worth and self-esteem. Compliments help us to see ourselves through the eyes of others. Meanwhile, accepting the compliment also validates the viewpoint of the person who gave the compliment. You show respect for their observations.

Compliments demonstrate acceptance.

When you compliment someone, you tell them what you admire about them. You let them know
that they are accepted. They don’t have to focus on being accepted and can relax and enjoy your company.

Compliments convey gratitude. When we compliment, we let others know that we are grateful they are in our life. The compliment becomes stronger when we include details about why they are important to us.

Focusing on opportunities for compliments can increase compassion. Complimenting can be seen as a way to be of service to others. You bring your smile and positivity into their life. Compliments are gifts. They show that you took the time to pay attention and you care. Compliments are a simple kindness.

Giving compliments increases self-esteem and self-confidence.

When you make someone’s day better, it feels good. You both feel good. When you give a compliment, the other person naturally feels good about you. They like being around you.

Compliments can help to calm thoughts.

Believing compliments can reduce negative thoughts and transform them into positive thoughts. Believing compliments can reduce anxiety.

Compliments are gifts.

This is important to remember when both giving and receiving. Compliments are given without the need for reciprocation. It would be rude not to receive them with thanks.

Thinking about receiving compliments.

Ask yourself:

How can I be more accepting of compliments from others?

What would be different about how I see myself and treat myself if I accepted compliments without questioning or deflecting them?

What do I already know about myself that helps me to believe that this compliment is based in reality?

What shifts might I notice in my self-awareness?

Thinking about giving compliments.

Ask yourself:

How might thinking about giving compliments change how I see those around me?

When I’m mindful about giving compliments, what types of things might I be noticing as I go throughout my day?

What differences might compliments make in my relationships?

What would I be thinking about that would be different if I had compliments in mind?

How will I know that giving compliments is coming more naturally?

What will I notice about myself and my thinking? What might others

Complimenting is a skill worth honing. It is a win win proposition for us and everyone we meet. The zen of compliments can positively impact your relationships.


acceptance, anxiety, calm, Compliments, gratitude, joy, peace, relationship, relationships, self-confidence, self-esteem

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  • As studies have shown that reward is more effective in influencing change in behaviour than punishment, I think it also follows than paying complements is a more effective way to facilitate change than criticising

  • This post really resonated with me, Rachel. I believe compliments are a truly gift that can multiply. I was at a book launch yesterday and as I went to grab a coffee I noticed a woman who looked lonely standing in the corner as far away from everyone as she could get. She was wearing a gorgeous duster and absolutely smashed the look in my opinion. So I decided to say hi, introduce myself, ask how she knew the author, then noted her amazing duster and how she rocked the look. She lit up. I felt great. Shortly my partner wandered up with his daughter wanting to organise lunch so I said goodbye and she walked off to introduce herself to someone off in another corner. Pay it forward, but with compliments. It goes a lot further than buying someone a coffee!

  • A beautiful reminder to dish these gifts out more often. So easy to do when its heartfelt too. 🙂

    Thanks Rachelle 🙂

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